The weight of motherhood: from a single parent

The true weight of motherhood: the sculpture “Mother’s Love” by the Association Cultural de Torrelavega really caught my attention. It portrays a woman burdened by a towering stack of household items, while she simultaneously cradles a small child. This powerful image serves as a metaphor for the multi-dimensional challenges that mothers face daily. The true weight of motherhood often goes unspoken, particularly for single mothers.

The Weight of Motherhood for Single Mothers: Either heroes or victims

Single mothers are often portrayed as as either victims of discrimination or heroes who have overcome social disadvantage. Let’s take the victim view, which is the idea that all single mothers have been forced into their situation.  One image of the single mother in the UK is often that of poverty, with the single mother being positioned as a burden on society and draining the benefits system. One comment on my TikTok account read: “how the f#ck does a ‘single mum’ afford to move to Barbados with 3 kids”. You can view my response to that comment here.

At the same time, we have the image of the single mother as someone who has had to fight through tough situations, raise children through difficult times, and come out the other side has heroes.  This is just an overly simplistic victim-hero representation which has a harmful impact.  The bottom line is that there is no ‘one size fits all’ representation of a single mother. Some of us feel empowered that we are raising children alone, some of us feel let down and some of us feel both.

As a lawyer, business owner, and a single mother of three, I am intimately familiar with the formidable balance of caring for children, managing a household, and pursuing a professional career. People are often shocked when they learn that I, a single mum, relocated halfway across the world alone with my children, frequently expressing how incredibly brave they find the decision, as if it’s almost unthinkable for someone in my situation to undertake such a bold move.

The Expat Single Mum

In Barbados, my children now play on beautiful sandy beaches with turquoise waters, and go on adventures that were once unimaginable back in Scotland. their friend circle is much more multicultural, with friendships with people from all over the world. Yet, this idyllic setting doesn’t diminish the weight of responsibilities I carry alone—there is no partner to share the load, no extended family to step in when I am overwhelmed.  In Barbados, I often stand out as a single mother among the ‘Expat Community’ whose lives are often supported by employer contributions to rent, school fees and hired help. No matter where you are in the world, there is still that stigma and stereotyping of single mothers.

My children don’t just have token chores, they contribute to the household and have to have a certain level of independence. As I am outnumbered, I can’t hover over each one of them as they complete a homework task for example. I have a genuine need for their assistance at times and they recognise the value that they contribute.  Being a single parent is also an opportunity to dig deep and find strength you never knew you had.

The weight of single motherhood

Single parenthood is hard. I am a strong woman, but I never had the option to not be strong. There’s a certain softness, a feminine energy, that I feel I miss out on because my role demands constant resilience and what many would consider masculine energy. As a single mother, we often forfeit a traditional motherhood experience that allows for vulnerability and rest in our femininity. Instead, I find myself juggling, problem-solving, and managing endless tasks. 

This sculpture underscores the reality that loving my children is the easiest part of my day. The real challenge lies in the mental and physical load of managing everything else.

I could end this blog by saying something like: the sculpture, “Mother’s Love” is more than a depiction of burden; it reminds us that while the load may be heavy, our capacity to bear it is even greater. But… F#ck that. Motherhood, particularly single motherhood, is f#cking hard. To my fellow single Mum’s I say: I see you. I see the sacrifices you make and your dedication to keeping it moving, every day. I want to tell you that you are amazing, even on your toughest days, you are amazing.